Elder Wisdom

“The first half of life is about building a sturdy container, while the second half is about figuring out what to put in it.” - Franciscan Friar, Richard Rohr

I enjoy reading elder wisdom and uncovering gems, like the one above.  Now that I’m older than 88% of the U.S. population, I’ve been thinking about what tidbits I could pass along. Here’s a provisional list:

1. We don’t see the world as it is; we see it as we are.

I used to assume that seeing is believing, facts are facts, and all that, which is wrong. A person’s context determines the perspective through which they encounter the world. “Facts” are provincial. I’m learning to guard against the deceptions arising from my own context and perspective, and to work harder to see the world through others’ perspectives.

2. Rather than life going our way, we go life’s way.

When disappointments come, it’s easy to feel that life dealt us a rotten hand or that we drew the short straw. But life doesn’t work that way; rather than life going our way, we go life’s way. One has to guard against being like that ant floating downstream on a log, thinking he’s driving. Life is in the driver’s seat. The best antidote to despair is gratitude.

3. Acceptance is a Superpower

I used to equate acceptance with acquiescence. Wrong again! I now practice acceptance like I used to train for a bicycle road race. Acceptance isn’t giving up; it’s the opposite. When I fully accept difficult circumstances (the gold standard is not wishing things were different), they lose their power over me. “A flexible tree bends with the wind; a rigid one breaks.” That’s from the Tao Te Ching, and it’s true! Acceptance builds strength, flexibility, and resilience.

4. Compassion is stronger than judgment

When people’s behaviors fall short of my expectations, it upsets me. A good friend helped me work through this. She taught me to look past bad behaviors to the hidden burdens others carry. Their struggles are usually greater than their offenses; our best response is to show them compassion. Compassion builds relationships. Judgment destroys them.

5. Less is more.

I’ve always been goal-driven. Why run five miles if I can run ten? Why do twenty pushups if I can do forty?  I used to have a computer on my fancy road bike that displayed distance traveled and average speed. I was thrilled when I increased my average speed by a few tenths on a training ride.  A buddy (a stronger rider than me) told me to get rid of the computer and just ride. Less is more! The concept applies to garages and clothes closets as well. If I haven’t used or worn an item during the past year, I’m getting better at donating or discarding it. Creating space in one’s life is liberating!

6. Love Is Greater Than Discipline.

Malcome Gladwell, in his 2008 book Outliers, claimed that mastery requires 10,000 hours of dedicated effort. That might be true, but he missed the main point.

I’ve played guitar for nearly 60 years; I’ve got my 10,000 hours in, but I’m still not very good. I used to blame my poor singing voice for holding me back, but I’ve come to realize an unwelcome truth. I like playing the guitar, but I don’t love it. One can’t force mastery through discipline alone; it builds through love.

I’ve read that when Jimi Hendrix woke up in the morning, he slung his guitar strap around his neck and didn’t put the instrument down until bedtime. Supposedly, he even took it with him to the bathroom. There’s a similar story about the great violinist, Isaac Perlman. A devoted fan once said to him, “I would give my life to play like you.” Unmoved, Perlman dryly replied, “I have!”

Love is greater than discipline.

7. Be here now

Despite regular mindfulness practice, I find it hard to remain in the moment. I’m well aware of the power of the moment; I write about it often, but that’s different from actually living in the moment.

I aspire to be more present, and I’m searching for new ways to practice it. Photography used to be a favorite hobby; however, I’m now finding it’s better to fully experience the beauty of a moment, rather than attempting to take it with me.

I originally intended to list 10 learnings (all the “best of” lists have 10 entries), but I’m saving space for new ones.

What are your greatest learnings?

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